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1 Eb Soprano cornet: too loud, usually out of tune.
Convinced he has the most difficult part in the band.
1 Principal
cornet: conceited, uses too much vibrato.
1 Second man down or
bumper upper: either thinks he would make a better principal, or
hero worships the principal.
1 Third man down: loud brutal
musical thug with lots of stamina and no finesse.
1 Fourth man
down: like third man down, only louder and thicker!
1 Repiano
cornet: waiting for a chance to play principal.
2 2nd cornets:
hesitant, out of tune, but can play a bottom C
2 3rd cornets:
loud, out of tune, but can play bottom G
1 Flugelhorn: plays
flat. Can't decide whether to be a cornet or a horn
1 Solo horn:
usually a girlie - irrespective of whether a male or female
player
2 Tenor horns: can play a unison tone in tune if one of
them is dead.
1st Baritone: useless player, out of tune all the
time
2nd Baritone: even worse player. Only there to show what the
first baritone could do if he tried
2 Euphoniums: show-off and
trainee show-off
1 1st trombone: steam driven. Rasps most of the
time
1 2nd trombone: sloppy player, but can rasp even at
pianissimo
1 Bass trombone: chainsaw with vibrato
2 Eb basses:
look like two drunken farts
2 Bb basses: sound like two drunken
farts
Percussion: Has lots of noisy toys which must be used in
the most inappropriate way possible. Must be totally incapable of
producing a swing rhythm.
Conductor: o devoid of musical ability
that he thinks the above shower sounds good!
Posted to The
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